Our debt update

So I sat down the other day and went over all our bills and debts. I then added everything up that we still owe, right about $62K in debts still. But the great news is that since July of this year we have paid off about $3,800.00 worth of debts. To some that may not seem like a lot and others that might seems like a great deal of money. But for us, a single income family with two kids and one on the way, that is a big deal. We are so proud of ourselves to have paid that much off in that short amount of time.
I look forward to next July when we have been paying things off for a full year and can see how much we have paid off.

It's true what they say

Before you have kids most can sleep through the night all night long. Once you have kids forget it! Everyone says that you will never have another good nights sleep until the kids are 18. But ya know I think even then I wont have a good nights sleep.
I used to sleep like the dead, but not since I have had kids. The littlest things will wake me up now most of the time. Even if my kids are staying at their grandparents house I still don't get a good nights sleep, I get a little better nights sleep but not great.
I'm a worrier. I worry about everything all the time. I try very hard not to and to pray about everything that I'm worrying about. But I'm only human. So I worry. For some reason my head always starts to think the worst. I can't stand that about myself really. But that's who I am so I deal with it.
Before I had kids I stayed up late, when out with my friends. Went camping and would stay up until the sun was up then go to bed. Now 8pm rolls around and I'm beat, I'm ready for bed.
So yes it's true what they say, when you have kids you will not have another good nights sleep for 18 years. Well I think longer then 18 years but I'm not there yet to be sure.

Need, Want, Give me, Why?

So this year I have been doing a lot more praying and thinking. I have been listening more to the Christian radio station in my area and it's really got me thinking about how much stuff we get every year. How much of that is a need. How much is just a want. I hate how I hear my kids always saying I want this I want that give me this give me that. I try so hard to teach them to be thankful for what they have, and that there are others out there that don't even have the basic of what they truly need to make it day to day.
So I have decided that next year I don't want anything for Christmas. People had already been shopping this year when I decided this. But next year I want anyone who was going to get me a gift to donate that money to someone some where who really needs it. Someone who does not know where their next meal is going to come from, or an origination that will give live animals to those in other countries to feed their families.
We have been blessed in so many ways from God, and we know that he will keep taking care of us know matter what. God also wants us to give to others and I know for me and my family we can give a lot more then we already do.
I don't want my kids growing up thinking that Christmas is about who gets the biggest gift, or who's list is the longest. I want them to want to give to others. To have that warm feeling when you have helped someone out, but do it because it's the right thing to do and because it's something that you want to do.
So what does your family do for the holiday's each year? Is it all about the gifts or is it all about God and his son's birth, and the message of God.

Priceless memories

So Pat and I have been talking about trying to buy his great aunts house over in Idaho. She passed a little over a year ago this year. The house has been on the market for almost two years with no bites on it yet, he keeps telling me how much he would love to own that house and to be able to live in it with all his memories and to pass those on to our kids and possibly pass the house and land onto them as well.
After doing some thinking tonight I have decided I'm jealous, jealous of his memories. Jealous of the fact that he has a house like that to go to and even possibly own someday. See for me I don't have anything like that. I have family, but not close family like he did, they have passed on now. I had a cousin like him growing up that I hung out with, but she no longer speaks to me or anyone outside her family unit. I wish I had some sort of land, property, or house in my family that had those memories to go with it. But sadly I don't, and really that's okay. That's part of the reason I think it would be so great for us to be able to own this house and it's memories for Pat.
So we have to pray, and pray a lot. We both feel that Idaho is where we are meant to be for some reason, some calling I guess you could say. Right now we have no idea how we would make it happen to be able to buy a house like that. It's not in our budget at all. We are a one income family because we both feel it's important enough for one parent to be home and raise the kids. But if God wants us to be able to move into that home then He will make it happen no matter what.
So this I pray, that God guilds us in His ways. Shows us the path that He wants us to take. He has blessed us in so many ways already and shown us so many things. I trust him, I know sometimes I lose my trust for moments but it always comes back. I'm only human. But I do have faith in God that he will guild us and show us what He wants for us in our life here on earth.

Time

While on Facebook tonight I looked at the side bar where they suggest people you may know, and I saw someone that brought back a memory.  That memory bought to mind how I never speak to some people from my past again. How some of those people I used to be so close with, close enough to call them my brother or sister even. Yet now I know nothing of their current life or how they are doing or anything.
I find it so interesting how you feel so close to someone and then a few years down the road nothing. Now I'm not talking about someone you have known for about a year and then you don't talk to any more. I'm talking about people you have grown up with, you have known since grade school, then middle school, high school and still talked with after high school even.
I understand people grow and change and can grow apart. People figure out what they want in life and out of life and you may not always fit into that "new" life style. And that's okay with me. But there are some of those friendships that you lose that hurt to lose. I have some that I wonder well what if I had done something different maybe. Or been a better friend. But then I start to think, most of the people that are no longer in my life have chosen to be distant from me. Weather it's their spouse who for some reason has a problem with me, or we just grew apart I know that their time, their season in my life is over. They spent their time with me, helped me grow as a person, and gave me some wonderful memories to take with me for the rest of my life. But it's time to move on, to grow from what I have learned from them and use it.
So who is no longer in your life that you have memories of, that has made an impact on who you are today?

A smelly blessing

So last weekend our 95 Honda Accord died on us. We had it towed home that night and started talking about what we should do. We decided that it was time to get another car. I called my Birth Grandma who I knew had had a car for sale a few months ago to see if she still had the car. She did. She had offered to just give it to us but I did not feel right about that. I knew that they had put some money into the car to get it running good again. So they offered to trade my shotgun for the car. So that's what we did.
The only thing wrong with the car is it leaks water on the inside. The floor boards are flooded when it's raining or has been raining. So the car stinks, and stinks bad. Well after doing some looking around on the car, sucking up the water with a shop vac and then hosing it down I was able to narrow down the area of where the water was coming in at. So then I turned to the internet and found some more information on that car and that it's a common problem for the Chevy Corsica's. So Pat spent most of the day ripping up the carpet inside the car to get to the water leak. Then we sealed under the windshield where we think the leak is coming from.
Tomorrow will be the big test. We will drive the car in the rain (well hopefully it's raining outside but it's Oregon so probably at some point will rain). If not then we will just hose it down and see if we get any more water inside. At least the carpet is gone so we will see any water coming in a lot faster now.
The car still stinks a little but once the leak is 100% fixed then I will get in there and do a good deep scrub on it and make it smell oh so much better.
This car only has 103K miles on it, the Honda had 213K miles. Pat drives about 110 miles a day round trip for work. Is this car perfect, no. Would I like a nicer, better looking car that smelled good. Sure. But this car is a blessing to us. This car will help us in so many ways in the long run. We are planning on getting a mini van after the first of the year with our tax return with the new baby on the way. This car is helping to pay for that van. We are able to see the Honda and use the money from that to help pay for the van.

Blessings

So this weekend on our way home from Tigard our Honda died on us on the Interstate. So we called AAA and waited for our tow truck. Got the Honda home and started thinking about what we will need to do since this is Pats car that he drives to work every day. We can't afford for him to drive the truck to work more then just every once in a while.
So I called my Birth Grandma who I knew had a car for sale a little while back, I did not know if she had sold it yet or not. She still had the car and was willing to just give it to us. I was not comfortable with that since I knew they had put money into the car. So they offered to trade my shotgun for the car. So we brought the car home and found out is had a dead battery, no big deal, so went down to the auto parts store and got a new battery for it. We also talked with someone who works there and is a Honda guy and asked about our Honda. He was pretty sure it's a relay for the fuel system so we bought that part and will put it on today or tomorrow.
We are going to sell the Honda once we get it up and running again. We will use that money to put towards our new van that we will be getting after the first of the year with our tax return. I can't wait to get our new van and have all that room for all three kids and the dog with room to pack our stuff when we got on small trips.
Right now we normally travel in the Honda and with two car seats, me, Pat, and the dog. Then add all our stuff on top of all that, there is not much room left for leg room or anything else. So the van will be nice to stretch out a little.
The new to us car is such a blessing to us. We know that God is providing for us in every way possible. We may not always see it but he really is. I do admit I have moments of doubt. I try not to but I'm only human. I try and pray and ask for help when I have doubt. I try and talk with Pat to help me have better faith when I have doubt.
I know that God will provide in all we do and always be there for us no matter what we are going through. I also know that God will never give us more then we can handle.

Winter is here

So we are still getting the trailer ready for winter time around here. Each step we have taken to keep it warmer and more efficient seems to be working. Our propane keeps lasting about a day longer each week every time we have done something.
I have one window sealed up and I will be working on the rest during the next few coming days (it's a pain in the butt). But I can tell it's working because after sitting next to the one window that is sealed up I no longer feel cold or feel the draft coming from it.
Next is to get the wood put up around the bottom of the trailer. We have run into a few speed bumps with this one. Right now our current speed bump is that Pat is sick so he can't be outside in the wet and cold cutting the wood. he took tomorrow off to try and rest to get better. So hopefully we will be able to get that part done soon.
So far we have gotten a new better space heater
closed up all the windows nice and tight
working on sealing the windows
got the dry air condensation trays
and getting wood under the trailer (working on it)
we also plan on getting the spray foam to put around water hoses under sinks and around the toilet where drafts could be coming in from under the trailer.

One down seven to go!

So we finished paying off our first debt last week. That felt really good. Now we are moving on to our next debt on our list. My quad. But if things work out we might be able to get all the quads sold and have all three of them paid off :) that would be great!
So we are just going to keep chipping away at our debt until it's no longer there. Until we can finally say we are debt free and ready to buy a house/land of our own.
So hard work and lots and prayer are in our favor :)

Getting the trailer ready

So since this will be our first winter in the trailer I thought I would write about what we are doing to get ready for the colder months and how we are staying warm. Who knows maybe someday someone else will be in their trailer and need some idea's on how to stay warm and cozy.
So we first started by getting a new space heat, this time we got a radiator oil filled one. Our little tiny one we have had for about five years was on it's last leg and not putting out much heat anymore. The new one is a smaller one and is working great so far.
We also bought some OSB boards and are cutting them down to size to be a wind block under the trailer so it will be sort of a skirt around the trailer but we are putting them just under the lip of the trailer. We are also painting them with a flat black exterior paint so that when the sun does hit them the black will help hold in heat more then any other color. Will that make a big difference I'm not sure but it does sound like a good idea. They do make special skirts for RV's and trailers but with tip outs/slide outs you have to have them custom made and they are not cheap.
So the next step is go get some window shrink wrap. It's a special wrap that you put on your windows and then take a blow dryer to them to shrink them up around the windows nice and tight. I know that will help a lot since I can sit on the couch and feel the cold air draft coming from the windows.
Next we will be getting some of the spray foam insulation and looking around for holes where pipes and tubes are coming up from under the trailer and cold air could be getting out that way.
We also have one of the dry air tubes with the crystals in it for condensation but will be needing to get a few more since one is not enough for a 38 foot long 5th wheel.
We also have switched over to our fresh water holding tanks and put the hose away. We have two tanks but right now we are only using one since the drain hose to the second tank is missing the cap for the hose. (hoping to find one this week).
So everything we are doing will take about two weeks to complete. The first year is always the hardest since we have make things and check every thing out. But once we have done it once it will be easier the next year.
I will update once we get everything done and let you all know how much warmer it is in here.

Did I hear that right?

So I have posted on here before how we are trying to dig our way out of debt and become debt free. Well tonight Pat told me that he is done hunting until we are debt free and/or living in our own house on our own land. I was not really sure what to say to him when he told me this. I have been wanting something like this for a while now, him to be fully on board with us getting out of debt and not spending anything extra on anything. Yet on the other hand I know how much hunting means to him, how much it is a part of his life and who he is. So I do admit I'm a little worried about him being stressed out to much, and not having an outlet to relax, since he has told me before that hunting is hit outlet and how he relaxes.
He said that he will just have to find another way to relax that is free or very cheap. I suggested that we throw ourselves into the church, and become very active in everything that we can. He agreed to give that try. So when reading this say a little prayer for our family that we can put our faith and trust 100% in God. For God to guild us in his ways and down the road that he wants us to follow.

That time of year again

So Christmas is just around the corner, according to ebay we have 40 days until Christmas. That's not a lot. I'm sitting here thinking to myself how am I going to get the last of my gifts for people. How am I going to pay for it all. I started early this year, really early for me. I started buying and shopping back in the beginning of October. Now to some that is late others early. Next year I plan on starting earlier then this year. Someday I hope to start right after Christmas of the last year. But one small step at a time :)

I know people will still love me the same if I can't get them a gift for Christmas. They will still care about me. But at the same time I will still feel bad. I like giving gifts to people, I like to watch them open them and see that they got what they wanted, what they asked for. But this year I'm a little worried about doing that, and seeing that.

Maybe this is God's way of showing me to get back to basics. What I mean by that is get back to the real meaning of Christmas. The birth of Jesus Christ. He is the real reason we celebrate. Not the gifts, and all the food. He should be the main reason, and family should be next.

So I'm putting it in His hands, a way to pay for the gifts that I still want to get for people. I'm leaving it up to Him to help me either find a way to pay for them, or to give me an idea of something to make that wont cost me anything or very little.

What is your reason for the holiday season?

The couch is my new best friend

So I started feeling a little run down a few days ago and it's gotten worse everyday. I have a head cold and I'm pregnant oh joy. There is not much that I can take to get relief so I sit here and suffer. Pat just called saying he is feeling like poo now as well. So that means he gets to rest and I do not. He is the one that has to go to work, and only has maybe one day of sick pay saved since the last time he got sick. So right now I just wanna cry. This might sound odd but for once can't I be sick and be taken care of. Where no one else is sick just me. Yes I'm sure most are laughing right now, and if I read someone saying this I would probably laugh just the same. But gosh darn it he always gets sick when I'm sick. I should expect it and I do, but I also just wanted to whine a little :)

Chili

Why oh why do I eat chili. Every time I do it's bad news, yet it tastes so good that I can't help myself :) Oh well it's worth it I guess.
This is my random thought for the day :)

Life and those in and out of it

So this past year I have taken a look at the people in my life. After reading a friends blog it made me think that I should put this down in words. So thanks Kara :)

I have been on a life cleaning out mood so to say. Not just friends but family as well. People who just want to use me. I have always thought of myself as a good friend, someone who will bend over backwards to help someone out. I would drop everything that I could to be there for a friend. But I have found that it really has gotten me no where with some. So I'm done. I'm done being the one they always go to, but I can't go to them when I need someone. I'm tried of being used and then set on a shelf until I'm needed again. Well I need people to sometimes, I need someone to help me out. A shoulder to cry on, a friend to watch my kids at the last moment because something has happened that is out of my control.
As for family, I sadly have some family members I no long care for really. I don't really see them in my life or my kids life. I just feel that if they can't be a positive in my life why have them there at all. I love my family and think that family is very important, but not when they just use you for things.
Some of those family members might read this and think, hey is she talking about me. Well I just might be. Maybe they will sit back and think about that for a moment.
I have lots of friends and family that have burned the bridge with me. I'm done I have washed my hands of them. Blocked them on my phone, blocked them on facebook so I no longer have to see there updates. I did not delete them because I don't like confrontation if I don't have to deal with it. Call me a baby about that I don't care, but it's for my own sake that I did not do that.
Friends on another level, there are some that I have lost touch with over the years. One person that always comes to mind is Joy. I went to grade school with her for the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. We lost touch after I moved to Gaston. Her dad never really liked me, why I'm not sure. I was still a good kid back then, that was way before I started getting into trouble :) I have called her dads house once in a while, the number is still the same, left messages for her or her dad to call me. But I have never heard from him or her. I have heard she fell in with a bad crowd and starting down a dark road of drugs. I hope it's not true. Maybe one day I will run into her and we can catch up. But on another hand maybe it was meant to happen, all part of Gods plan that Joy and I not continue to be friends later on in life.
I do have one friend that looking back when we first met would of never of really thought that over 10 years later we would still be friends. Very close friends at that. Mostly because he found me very annoying :)Another one that strikes me is Pat. I met Pat for the first time when I was about 17. So we have known each other for 10 years. Looking back I would of never of thought that was the man that I would marry to spend the rest of my life with and have kids with. But I'm glad I did.
So if you are reading this today maybe you have some friends or family in your life that do not make you a better person. Just because you have been friends with someone for a long time does not mean you will always have to be friends. People grow up, grow apart, grow in different walks of life. Family, well just because they are family does not mean they are good and have to be in your life. Family is someone who is there for you in good times and bad. Not someone who is only there for you when it's going to benefit them.
I have lots of "family" as in people who are very close to me and I would call them for help before a lot of people who are my "family".
Who is your family?

Christmas Shopping

So this year I'm trying really hard to get all my Christmas shopping done before December. I just finished up the kids gifts today. I got another gift card from Swagbucks for Amazon for a grand total right now of $20.00 bucks. I have gotten over $100.00 gift cards for Amazon from Swagbucks over the last year since I have been on there.
If I can get a few more gift cards for Amazon then I can start putting those towards some other people that I still need to shop for. But my kids are taken care of for Christmas this year. For next year I'm hopping to get started in January and keep it up. Also to start shopping right away for birthdays and any other occasion that I need to long before the date gets here.
In the past I was doing all of my shopping about one to two weeks before Christmas and I really felt it in my wallet. Not this year.

Mood Swings SUCK!

Ugh this pregnancy has been one big mood swing the whole time. Plus to think it could only get worse, wonderful. Pat has been very supportive most of the time, he is a man and they can only comprehend so much of this pregnancy crap that we all go through. Ya know I really wish someone would come up with a drug that a man could take for like a week or something, and it would make him feel pregnant. Bloated, mood swings, swollen feet, back ache, morning sickness, constipation, and anything else that I'm forgetting right now, oh ya pregnancy brain. Maybe strap a little bump thing to him that kicks him in the bladder all day long as well. Then on top of everything else make him go to work, or take care of the kids, the house and everything else all while he feels like crap.
Like I said Pat does a pretty good job but every now and then I just want to ring his neck, and I'm sure that's mostly due to hormones going crazy in my body right now.
As most know I have battled depression for years, this pregnancy like my last two I'm not taking any medication for the depression. Looking back on my first two pregnancies I'm sure I was depressed and that was a lot of my mood problems. This time knowing that the depression is there does not seem to be making it easier or harder to deal with. I truly feel that my depression has been getting worse over the last few years, why I'm not sure but I would like to know. Maybe once this baby is born I can start to find that out. Right now I don't think that would be a good idea. Who knows I might not be able to find out after the baby is born either since I will be nursing and who knows what they will want me to do, try, or go through. I can deal with it while I"m pregnant and I can take medication while I'm nursing to help me get through it. Once the baby has weaned off of the breast then I can buckle down and try and get to the bottom of everything.
I will also have to go into it knowing I might not find any answer or an answer that I'm looking for.
So if you are a spouse significant other of someone who is pregnant know there is a light at the end of the crazy tunnel. But also know that the light might not be what you want it to be. Just be there for her, and take care of her. Remember she is growing a human right there in front of you.

House work is never done

No matter how much you clean it's never clean. If you have kids or animals you will understand and relate to this.
I can have my bedroom completely clean and everything put away and sure enough what happens, the kids come in and start pulling clothes out of the closet, or the dog jumps on the bed and messes up the nicely made bed.
Dishes; I can have every single dish in the house washed, dried, and put away. Then one of the kids will want a drink or a snack or I will be hungry or thirsty. Then look you have another dirty dish.
Laundry oh the lovely laundry. I really can't say I have had ALL the laundry in the house done at once. With two kids, one on the way, husband, a dog, plus myself, towels and extra items like that, the laundry is always there no matter what.
With the fall and winter months coming I know that my floors will never stay clean for more then five minuets as well. Weather it's the dog coming in with wet muddy feet, kids forgetting to take their shoes off, my husband who forgets to take his muddy boots off outside. The floor is a total loss.
So one may wonder why bother to clean in the first place. Well it's something that just has to be done. If we did not clean we would smell bad, look bad, and no one would want to be around us. If you don't do the never ending laundry then at some point your clothes will stand up on their own. If you don't do the dishes then you will get mold on them and you can get sick. If you don't clean the floors you could step on something that can hurt you because it was not cleaned up the right way.
So yes cleaning is a never ending battle for anyone, but for a mom it's a never end job/battle what ever you want to call it. It's just part of being mom.

Potty training

So Ross just turned four this last Saturday, and Peyton will be three in March. She has gone potty on the potty a total three times. With the new one on the way and due in April I'm making it my goal to get her at least part way potty trained before the new one is here.
So today we are doing the sit on the potty for 5 mins every 15 mins. I'm offering her everything from candy to playing a game on my iPhone. She keeps asking to play a game so I will use what ever ammunition I can get my hands on.
A friend of mine suggested putting her big girl panties on and tell her that they would be mad at her if she pee's on them. Like if there is a picture of Tinkerbell on them, Tinkerbell would be mad if she got peed on. So we will see if that will work as well.
If I have to I will break out the books for her to read on the potty or read to her to keep her sitting there. Books seemed to work pretty well for Ross when we were potty training him.
So we will keep tying until we get it right and get rid of the diapers for Peyton for good.

14 weeks

So as of today I'm 14 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has defiantly been more of a challenge then the first two. I have gone off my medication for depression, I quit smoking, and I quit drinking caffeine. I try and catch myself when I know I'm in a bad mood so I don't take it out on the kids. But some days are harder then others.
I am happy that I don't feel like I want to throw up 24/7 any more. Now I just get a little sick feeling at night after dinner just like I did with Peyton. This pregnancy is starting to follow Peyton's pregnancy to a T. I would bet money on the fact that this is another girl. I should be getting a phone call here soon to schedule my ultrasound appointment and I can't wait to at least have a date for it.
This will be our last baby. We are done after this one, three is enough for us. Both of the kids are pretty excited about a new baby, and Ross calls the baby "my baby" as in it's his baby. Ross really wants a little brother, were Peyton keeps going back and fourth. Though I think she mostly wants a little sister. I think it would be fun to have another little girl because they are so much more fun to shop for and dress up. Boys are fun at first when they are little but when they get bigger it's pretty much jeans and a T-shirt. They dress up when they need to for something special.
So this baby will make "her" debut some time around April 25th, 2011.
Ross will also be four this coming Saturday, I can't believe I will have a four year old and almost three year old with one on the way.
As for the trailer living things are going pretty good. We have our moments but I'm sure we would weather we are in this trailer or a house or even an apartment. The only thing I'm still working on is where the kids sleep. I need to try and come up with a way to put a wall of some sort up there between the two of them. Peyton just loves to pick on her brother at night and try and beat him up, her newest thing is biting him at night.

update

So it's been a while since I have posted anything and a lot has been going on. We found out on August 14th that we are pregnant again, and due April 25th 2011. We are not going to find out the sex of this baby since it will be our last one. I want a surprise for once since we found out with Ross and Peyton.
Pat is leaving in about two weeks for a 10 day hunting trip, then when he gets back duck season should be starting up, Oct 16th is opening day and we can't wait. Just need to get our shells for the season and a few other things that we "want" but don't have to have.
I'm slowly cleaning out my life so to say. People that are just in it for them I don't need them in my life anymore. I don't want to have people around me who take, take, take, and not have anything to give to anyone. I also don't need people in my life who are going to judge me from the outside and not fully understand what all is going on.
We are also going to find Zuki a new home, I don't feel a connection to her like I thought that I would, plus with the new baby on the way I just don't have the time for her that she deserves and it's not fair to her. So we are trying to find someone who will buy her and give her a good loving home.

Depression

Depression sucks ass! I have dealt with depression since I was 14. A couple of weeks ago we have decided to have another baby and I don't want to be on my medication while I'm pregnant. Well that has not been going so well. So starting the medication back up until I hear from my mid-wife about what I should do. Maybe I will get lucky and the one that I'm taking now is safe to take during pregnancy, if not then I will change to one that is safe and try through out the whole pregnancy to wean off of it.
As for right now it's just not an option. I'm so short with the kids again, sleeping way more, not wanting to do anything, or go anywhere. These are all very bad things. I have caught myself sooner then before. When we first moved I was getting up at 7-7:30am everyday, and that felt great to get up early have a little time to myself before the kids woke up. Now I find myself sleeping in as late at 10am some mornings. (most of the time the kids are still sleeping, or over at the grandparents house). I hate sleeping the day away. I hate the way that I'm feeling right now. So this must stop and must stop now!
So I'm taking my depression back until my control. I will not let it run my life anymore like it has for the last few weeks. Slowly creeping back up and trying to take control. Not anymore, I'm back and I'm in control. This is my life and I'm going to live it my way.
I know that with a lot of prayer, hard work, the right combination of medications, and support from my wonderful family I will win this battle once again.

Rest In Peace

To day I found out that a very good friend of mine passed away from a freak accident at his house. He was mowing his property when he got to close to the edge and rolling the very large ridding mower onto himself. He was a good man in many ways. Yes he had his faults but who doesn't. This man allowed Pat and I to get married at his house, never asked us for anything in return. Groomed his property and got everything ready for our special day.
He used to haul my horse along with his daughters for 4-H and OHSET meets and practices. He always let us ride the horse's on his property, and let my son ride his quad up there as well. I really can't remember not seeing a smile on his face.
It was only about two months ago that he went and picked up our 5th wheel for us. He would not even let us give him money for diesel, just asked that Pat do some welding for him in exchange.
Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers. His daughter is having a very hard time with all of this right now, seeing as she is the one that found him. I'm sure he is at peace now, ridding the biggest tractor he can dream up. I'm sure he has fields of mowing and tree's to climb that need trimming. The man never could sit still for more than five minuets it seemed.
Richard you were a good friend, father, husband, and brother. You will be missed.

Pack it up, move em out

So this weekend we are going to take the trailer camping for the first time. I know it's like camping every day by living in it, but actually going camping is going to be so much better (I hope). We are going to load up the toys and head to the dunes for this weekend and next weekend. This weekend we are hopping to not take the kids and just have an adult camping trip and make next weekend a kid camping trip. But if we end up taking them this weekend then it will be just as fun anyways.
This will probably be the last time for a while that I can ride my quad, since your not suppose to ride when your pregnant. But I think I'm going to look into that a little more. Maybe it's okay to ride until you are farther along so we will see.

Living large while living small

So as most know we are living in a 5th wheel right now. But most probably don't know that we are living in a 5th wheel with two small kids (2 and 3), two dogs, one Lab and one Pug. Also my youngest child has no interest in potty training what so ever, so she is still in cloth diapers. Yes I said cloth diapers, and yes I'm living in a 5th wheel. It's not easy but we make do.
This last weekend I was able to bring with me my sewing machine and set it up and do some sewing tonight. I bought most of my hair ribbon stuff with me as well. So might be able to start making hair bows, and woven headbands as well. These are all things that help me de-stress at the end of the day. It was nice this evening after making dinner, grocery shopping, un-packing what we brought home this weekend, and dinner dishes, to sit down and just do something that I really enjoy.
Don't get me wrong I love taking care of my family, but sometimes I just want to do something for just me, as I'm sure most moms understand :)

Think smaller this time around

So with plans for a new baby to come on board our 5th wheel, I have to rethink everything as far as baby items go. Everything needs to be smaller, more compact, or easily folded to be put away when not in use. For example; baby tub, my last one folded up pretty small, yet after thinking about it, it did not fold up small enough for the trailer. So this time I have found a sponge type of bath bed thing that will work perfect for the baby. This one has a loop on the top to hang it up let it drip dry then I can stuff it in the cabinet until the next bath. Plus it's washing machine safe so I can toss it in and disinfect it just like that. The next thing that I found was a small compact swing that all so turns into a bouncy seat. Two in one, plus it's small, double bounce if you ask me.
The baby will be sleeping in a Moses Basket for the first few months, or until they can't fit anymore. Probably will make a small stand next to the bed for the basket, don't worry it would be right smack up against a wall and the bed, no where for the basket and baby to roll over :)
So so far those are the things that I can come up with. I know that I'm not even pregnant yet but I want to enjoy this one all the way to the end, since it will be my last pregnancy and baby for sure.
Plus I'm sure pregnancy will happen sooner then with the last two since I have already been off of birth-control for almost 7 months. No was not trying for the last 7 months just sick of all the hormones from birth-control. But after this baby is born Pat is going in for the big V!

4+1=5

So Pat and I have been talking for a while now about having one more child. We have finally agreed that one more would be great for our little family. With this one we are not going to find out what we are having. So I have been on the hunt for the perfect coming home outfit in a nice light sage green color. Yes some will think that I'm jumping the gun since I wont even know if I'm pregnant for another week and a half, but those of you that do know me, know that I can change my mind over and over and over.
My Mother-In-Law bought me a Moses Basket yesterday at a wonderful resale shop in Salem Once Upon A Child. I'm sure most of you know that when you find a killer deal in a resale shop you have to jump on it. Because the next time you go there it will probably be gone. So now I'm trying to decide what color I want to do the basket in. The bedding that came with it is just fine, but it's white, boring if you ask me. So I want to look around and see what fabric I can find and try and make a new set for it. With help from my Mother-In-Law of course lol, if I want it to turn out :)
So I will try and take some good pictures of the before,during, and after, but since my camera is broken and apparently so are all my memory cards we shall see what I can get out of it :(

This feeling shall too pass

I feel like the worse friend in the whole wide world. My best friend loaned us some money and yes we have already paid back half of the loan. I keep telling this friend that I should be able to give them money on pay day, and like clock work every week something comes up that prevents us from payment to this friend.
I know my friend understands they tell me it's okay and that they understand that life happens. But I still just feel like dirt. This friend knows that I'm not pulling there leg and just making things up, but still I feel bad.

On another note, I found out yesterday that my aunt had a heart attack on Monday of this last week. She ended up having a triple by-pass done. If you read the last sentence carefully you will noticed that I found this out yesterday! This makes me a little angry to say the least. This is my family yet my uncle does not feel the need to contact us when things like this happen. When my mom had her first heart attack, her brother and her were not on very good terms. Yet I still made sure to call them right away when it happened. She had not even been in the hospital for a whole day when I got a hold of them. His reasoning's for not telling my mom was he felt that she had to much on her plate right now and did not want to add to it. Who the hell does he think he is, it's not his place to decide if she has to much on her plate or not! Even so if he felt that way, why could he not pick up the phone and call me and inform me of what is going on.

Today this is what I pray
Dear Lord,
Please watch over my aunt and family during this time. Thank you for watching her this far during her life. Place your hand on her family and comfort them during this time. Please help my heart and the way that I feel right now about how they have acted during this time. Please help guild me to raise my kids the way you want me to raise them. Please help me to not going insane with my kids :)
Amen

Trying to change my ways

Since we have moved I have been trying very hard to not yell at the kids any more. Well I'm not perfect and I blew up at the kids this morning when they woke up when Pat was getting ready for work. I feel awful about it, yes it was 2:30am and I myself was not really awake, but that does not make it right.
I have to pray even more and harder for help from God for this little problem. I don't want to be like my mom, who yells all the time, I want to change my ways. I don't want this pattern to continue on with me and my kids. I'm sure if you were to ask my mom she would say that she does not yell all the time, and she is right, she does not yell 24/7 but it's very hard to have a conversation with her and not have her yell at some point during that conversation.
I see the way she is with her mom, my grandma is getting up there in her years and is a stubborn old woman, and I don't want to be that way with my kids. I have an okay relationship with my mom, could it be better, yes. Will it ever be better, time will only tell. I do know that in the past every time we/I have moved out we have gotten along a lot better.
We are too much alike in so many ways, so that is why we butt heads so hard most of the time. There are times I wish my mom was more like Pats mom. She is so passive, but wont let people walk all over her. I have never heard her yell at anyone, ever. Pat said he can pretty much only recall one time hearing his mom yell. I wish I could say the same.
I know I'm not perfect and I don't try to be, yet I know I can work even harder at not yelling. I can't stand to be yelled at, I just shut down and tone out who ever is yelling at me. I have lived with it my whole life, it's almost a defensive reaction for me I guess. I don't want my kids to end up like that as well.
So today this I pray
Dear Lord,
Help give me strength to not yell at my little ones. Help me in my ways with my family. Help me to trust in you Lord. Help guild me in the way that You want me to bring my children up in Your ways Lord. Put Your hand on my heart Lord, help me hear Your words.
Amen

If it's not one thing, it's another

So last night I ended up taking Pat to the ER for his breathing. For about the last week he has been having a lot of trouble breathing easy. This is all due to his allergies, they are really bad this year around here. Our health is not something that we can put on hold, try as we might, it's just not safe. I had been trying for the last week to take him in to get a breathing treatment done but he just would not go, last night things got worse so he finally agreed to go in.
The frustrating part is that we have a loan from a friend that we are trying to pay back as fast as possible. Yes we have already paid back half in one month, but we feel like we should not put any money in savings to fall back on until this friend is paid back. Some may agree some may not.
Last night Pat was not able to get to bed until after 12am, he normally goes to bed at 7:30pm to get up for work at 2:30am, out the door by 3:30am and at work by 5am. Well he went in late to work today, which means his paycheck will be smaller. That then throws a kink into the whole paying back my friend plan, and getting money into savings for falling back on.
Pat is working overtime right now, I would really like to have enough money in savings to cover one months paychecks for a "just in case" fund. I know it will happen sooner then latter, but right now with the way things keep going it just feels like later then sooner.
I'm sure, no I know, this is all part of Gods plan for us, just not really sure what part it is just yet. I know that I need to keep my faith strong and He will show us the path He wants us to take.
Some times those are easier said then done.

So today I pray this
" Dear Lord, hear my prayers. Help me to keep my faith strong in you Lord. I know that I am not perfect and I know that you know that as well. I feel weak at times Lord and I need your help to be strong in You. Help me Lord to see the path that You want me to take. Lead me Lord, mold me the way You want me to be. You are my Father and I your child. I love You Lord and have faith and trust in You. Help me from going astray from You Lord. Guild me, teach me, use me, and love me. Help me to be the mom that You want me to be. Help me to teach my kids in Your ways Lord. Please place Your hand on Pat this day and heal him, make it easier for him to breath easy Lord. Help me stay strong with my faith in You. Help me Lord I am weak and You are strong. Keep me safe, keep my family safe, watch over all of them Lord
Amen

Kids, and life happens.

Since we have moved I feel like I can be a better mom to the kids. They are getting only one set of rules to live by, so no more confusion for them. When they go to Grandma's house they have Grandma's rules unless mom is over there, then Grandma follows moms rules. My parents tried but sometimes I felt they could of tried harder to follow the rules that Pat and I laid out for them. I understand that it's hard for them, since they want to be Nana and Baba, but they should of understood that it was best for the kids for everyone to be on the same page when it came to the rules for the kids to follow.
Since we have been here bed times are getting easier, slowly but surely, they are starting to listen to me better as well. We are getting into our own little routine here and it's working out nicely.

New Adventure

So we are in a new adventure in our life right now. We are taking some time and staying in our new 5th wheel. Right now we are at Pat's parents house in the driveway. We are not really sure what our next move is right now but we are sure that God will show us where he wants us to go. After the first of the year we are planning on becoming campground hosts around Pat's work area. I truly feel that this is what God wants for us right now. When we were still trying to figure out what we were going to do and get the loan for the trailer, we both had been praying very hard for an answer from God on what He wants us to do. Well we got the loan and felt that was God telling us yes this is what I want for you to do. I want him to use us both for His work in His way.
Since we have moved I feel that I have become a better wife and mother. It's so nice to be somewhere where people don't yell at each other all the time. Now my parents don't yell 24/7 but I can't think of a day where someone was not yelling at someone at least once (most of the time more) a day. I feel so relaxed, I have been working very, very hard to not yell at the kids any more. I don't want to be like my mom, and her mom by yelling all the time. It's so very nice to clean when I want to clean, do the laundry on my terms and time, cook dinner my way with the food that I want. It's my own little place and I love it. I love the freedom of being able to just pick up and move when ever we feel like it. We can show the kids so much more of Oregon while they don't have to be tied down with school and stay in one place.
God is great, believe in God and ask Him for help in all that you do!

Life happens

So my Dad has been home for a while now and we thought things were going to change as far as his attitude all the time. But I guess I should of know better. He is still a grumpy pissy old man. Nothing is done right for him a lot of the time, he keeps trying to do things he knows he is not suppose to do yet after his surgery. All we ever hear is how much his lower back is in pain, complaining about this and that.
I love my Dad don't get me wrong but sometimes enough is just enough already. When he was living at rehab things were so nice around here. Less stressful, not as many yelling fights in the house, just a more relaxed atmosphere. But he is my Dad and this is his house. So we learn to deal with him and his "mood" swings. My Mom and I both feel that he is depressed and would benefit from some anti-depressants. But you can't tell him that, he does not need that crap as he puts it. To each his own I guess, if he wants to be a miserable old grump then that's his choice I guess. It just sucks that we all have to put up with it.
Before his surgery he never really yelled at the kids at all, since he has been home he yells at them quiet a bit. That bugs me, yet at the same time if I did try and talk to him about it, it would just end in a big fight and how he can do nothing right and he is always wrong blah blah blah. This house is full of hot heads, me being one of them I understand that about myself, and it's not good for the kids to be around that all the time. I hate how much people yell at each other around here, it's like no one knows how to "talk" to each other we only know how to yell. So for now most of the time when my Mom is going off on me for one reason or another I just stare off into space trying to listen and not say anything back, then I walk away before I blow up and it turns into a big yelling match. There was one time I was already in a bad mood and she wanted to "talk" to me about something, I don't remember what now, but I told her not right now I can't do this now we will talk later and walked out of the room. She then followed me and kept yelling at me, I just stood there yelling back saying not now leave me alone, the whole time Peyton was standing right in between us. It took Pat giving her a dirty look and shaking his head to leave me alone.
My Mom has never dealt with real depression. Has she dealt with situational depression, sure she has. But has never been on medication for it or anything like that. A few months ago I was trying to stop having to take my medication and that turned out bad for me. I ended up going on another brand of medication and it took me a good three to four weeks to fully level out on it. During that time things where really bad, I pretty much did nothing but sit downstairs in the dark on the computer, not really doing much on the computer just sitting there. Crying lots and lots of crying as well. It got to the point where I felt I could not watch the kids and give them the attention that they needed so I called my Mother-In-Law and asked if they could take the kids for a few days until I got past this hard point.
Fast forward a month and my Mom throws that in my face. That I can just ship my kids off when I'm having a bad day. I wanted to punch her in the face, yell at her, tell her she has no clue what she is talking about. I did get into it a little with her, but when she said that, that was it I was done. If you have not been there or down that road yourself personally when you have no right to talk about what other people are going through.
I have battled depression since I was 14, I have been on and off medication for it since then as well. Some days are better than others, it's not always easy at all but I'm dealing with it.
I'm so blessed to have a wonderful husband that has helped me through everything. I know that he will always stand behind me no matter what I have to deal with. He knows that I too will stand behind him no matter what as well.
But to end this one on a happy note, I'm finally back down to the weight were I was when I got pregnant with Ross :) Another 10 to 15 lbs and I will be happy with my weight. But if i don't lose anymore weight I could be happy with where I'm at right now as well. But a little more can't hurt either :)

Coming Home

Sorry it's been a while since I have up dated about my Dad. :)
This Friday my Dad will be coming back home from rehab. He will be going to PT two times a week for at least the next 60 days, then go back to the doctor for another check up on his neck.
He is doing great! He is getting around with just a cane for right now. The only thing is he gets tired really easy. So he will have to work on building his stamina back up again.
Plus we will have oh so much fun keeping him on the down low of things. He wants to come home and just go go go, and do everything that he did before. But the doctor told him on Tuesday that he needs to slow down. He still has some swelling in his neck (normal) and he is only three weeks out from his surgery. So keeping him from doing to much will be fun.
So thank you everyone for your prayers, keep them coming. I'm sure the hard part is yet to come, like I said keeping him from over doing it.

Home for a visit

So today my Dad came home for a day visit. It's good to see him, and he looks good. He seems to be in a pretty good mood, does not really want to go back to rehab and stay but he understand that that is for the best for him to keep improving. I will try and update later on about how the day went since he has only been here for a little over an hour.

Just a little update

Sorry I have not updated on my Dad for a little while, we have been busy to say the least around here. So I went and saw him the other day and he seemed to be in a pretty good mood. It is a night and day difference to how much better he is walking and using his left arm and hand. He still has a ways to go but he is getting there much faster than anyone would of though of.
For the last few days my Mom has gone to see him, and he is getting grumpy. He wants to come home, me misses the grand kids a lot. I understand that, but for right now rehab is the best place for him. He is getting PT about three times a day, if he were to come home now he would get it maybe three times a week. Plus we would most likely end up having to drive him into town three times a week for PT, and that gas will add up. So we want to put it off as long as possible. Someone is trying to get into town everyday or every other day to see him. Most of the time we have things we need to do anyways. Like next week Ross will start Pre-School again so I will be in town two times a week and can visit with him while Ross is as school.
He has also been starting to want to smoke again. I'm sure most of that is boredom and not really having anything to do or think about to occupy his mind right now. He is reading the book that Eric sent him but once that one is done I guess we will have to find him another one to read or something else to do. Makes me wish I still had my DS for him to play :)
I'm sure most of you are calling him from time to time to see how he is doing. But maybe the next time you chat with him, keep him on the phone a little longer somehow. I know easier said than done with my Dad. :)

Look'n good

So I went and saw my Dad today at rehab and he is looking so good. He seems to be in good spirits as well, and he seems to be having a up-beat attitude about pretty much everything. Which is odd for my Dad :)
He is walking so much better it's a night and day difference. He also seems to have a lot more movement and control in his hand as well. Right now he is using a walker, but if that is because he really needs it or they are making his use it I'm not sure. He seems to be going to PT a few times a day, and it sounds like he will be able to get PT to come to him at home when he comes home.
Of course when I was getting ready to leave, I had to run to the grocery store after visiting with him, he asked me if I could stop by Jack In The Box for him and grab him two burgers and bring them back to him. So of course I could not say no to him, it's not like he can just go down the road one block and get them himself. So after the grocery shopping I brought him his burgers.
This whole time he has been saying he does not want anyone to come and see him, but I'm sorry his grandson keeps asking about him so I will be bring Ross to go and see him here soon. Peyton would not understand what all is going on just yet, but Ross does. Ross also understands that BaBa (grandpa) is not feeling well and has a big boo boo. he also knows that BaBa can't play right now and we have to be careful with him. For a three year old he is way to smart for his own good.

Time to de-stress

So with everything that has been going on around here Pat and I are going up to Browns Camp this Saturday for the day to ride quads with some friends. I can't wait. We need some time to ourselves with out the kids, and not having to think about everything that is going on around here for just one afternoon. I can't wait to open my 700 Raptor up full throttle and just release everything from my mind for the day.
Now if I could just get the new puppy to stop chewing on everything she shouldn't then we will be good:) but that's a puppy for ya.
Also got some good news it looks like my brother-in-law will be able to buy our 67 Airstreem trailer from us. So with the money from that and Pats health and tool allowece that he is getting next month we will be able to knock out all our stupid little debts that we have, and pay off a big chunk on the motorcycle that we owe as well. From there we are hoping to have an easier time selling the motorcycle since we will owe less on it. Once that is gone then we will be in great shape as far as our debts go. Which is a good thing since we are hopping to buy a house some time in the next year. So the less debt we have going into buy a house the better off we will be.
It's not easy being a one income family but we make it work. I love staying at home with my kids and playing with them, even if they do make me want to pull my hair out most days, and watching them grow and learn. So for us to buy a house with one income will not be easy but we can make it work. With hard work, dedication to our debts and getting them paid off and not making anymore, and buying a house we know we can afford will helps us in the end. But the most important part of all of this is prayer. Prayer is what has gotten us to where we are today, prayer is what is bringing us through these hard and trying times right now. With out trust in God and prayer who knows where we would be at.
Some people think that God does not answer prayers but I know for a fact that he does. My daughter is proof that God hears and answers prayers. I can remember laying in bed every night before I fell asleep praying that God would bless me with a healthy baby girl, now for those of you who do not know, Peyton is the first girl in 63 years on Pat's side of the family. So we feel very blessed to have her, and that is also why her middle name is Faith, because we had faith in God that he would bless us with a little princess. Even though she is WAY more of a handful than her brother any day, we are still very blessed. We also know what God would never give us more than we can handle. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
With God all things are possible, with out God nothing is possible.

Out with the old, in with the space!

So this last weekend Pat and I spent the whole weekend cleaning out the downstairs garage. We got about half way through the whole thing. Still have a lot more to do this week and next weekend. So far we have loaded the explorer up two times packed as full as possible, I could not see out the back and barley out the side window, two times and it's loaded again right now to go to Goodwill. Plus I have at least another half a car load waiting to go as well.
It feels good to get rid of all that junk, crap, and stuff that has been sitting there for years not being used. Some of it was our stuff some was my parents and some was my Grandma's.
When Pat and I moved in here we were only planning on being here for about three months, well two and a half years later here we are. And now we are going to be living with my parents until the end, as in until they pass or can no longer be cared for at home. It's not the easiest thing in the world but we make it work. Thank goodness I have the most wonderful in laws anyone could ever ask for. They take the kid(s) for us all the time to help us out and give us all a little break. Like they are taking both kids this coming weekend so that Pat and I can finish the downstairs garage and then hopefully get started on the loft down in the trailer barn at the bottom of the driveway.
Since most of the items that we want to take to Goodwill are already gone, we now are left with trying to sell some of the bigger furniture that we have down there. I.E. two kitchen tables a few night stands, one end table, and two dressers. But once those are gone, man I can't wait to see how much room we will have in there. Yet we will just be filling up back up again with more furniture that is in the downstairs. Oh well, at least that furniture we will be keeping but it's just in the way right now.
Well I'm off to put the kids down for a nap and back out to the garage I go, can't stop now I'm on a roll and want to get it finished.

Rehab

So my Dad has been in rehab for a few days now, sadly I have not been able to make it into town to see him but hope to soon in the next few days. My Mom said that he is walking so much better it brought her to tears. And that was just in the hospital, so I'm sure he could be walking even better now than he was in the hospital. He was also able to pick up paper clips with his left hand and drop then into a cup.
They said he would probably be in rehab for about one to two weeks, then continue PT at home. We are hopping his insurance will pay for his PT to come to him at the house. It would just make things so much easier on everyone around here. But if not then we will work out a schedule to take him into PT as much as he is needing to go.
With my Dad being a very private person, if you want to know something very funny that he did you should call him. Ask him about speaking spanish he will know what you are talking about. And if he does not know, i.e. playing dumb, just give me or my Mom a call and we will be more than happy to fill you in.

short and fast

Just wanted to let everyone know that my Dad has been moved to rehab and will be there for about one to two weeks. I will update more tomorrow

A good sign

So yesterday my Mom went to see my Dad, and he said he feels like he has more movement in his left hand. He is not sure about his left leg yet since he has only been up and around a couple of times. So only time will tell but it's a good sign for his hand already. We should know today or tomorrow if he will be coming home or going to rehab for a little bit.
If things keep going the way that they are he will probably be able to just use a walker to help him get around. Though I'm sure if he were to go shopping or somewhere he would need to walk a lot he would need a cart or wheelchair of some sort.

Went to see my Dad yesterday

So I went in to see how my Dad was doing yesterday after his surgery. He looked good, all doped up on some good pain killers and being a smart ass as usual. The doctor said everything went great, so now we just have to wait and see what all he gets back.
The doctor said he will know more in about two days as far as him coming home or going to rehab for a little while. When my Mom first said rehab she made it seem like he would be there for a while, like a few weeks maybe, but now I guess they are just thinking a few days, enough time for him to get back up and moving around better on his own.
Well stubborn man that he is does not want to go to rehab and thinks he will be home by this weekend. Ya right Dad keep dreaming.
Of course only after being there for just a little while to see him, he was already kicking me and my Mom out. So we gave kisses and hugs and told him not to harass the nurses to bad while he is there. My Mom will be going back today to see him, I might be able to get up there this evening.
So for now we are just on a nice long waiting game to see what all will happen and what he gets back, keep him in your prayers and thoughts. This will not be easy on anyone in the house.

Sugery

I just talked to my Mom and she said everything went fine. They were able to do what they could, they did stop it from progressing any further and as far as how much mobility he will get back only time will tell. The doctor said that it will take from six months to one year to know how much he will get back, if any.
They are going to wait a few days with my Dad in the hospital but he will most likely be going to a rehab facility. Which I feel is for the best, that will ease the burden of what my Mom would have to do for him. Now I'm not saying that my Dad is a burden but with my Mom's health not being the greatest right now it will just be easier on her with him somewhere that they are trained and equipped to take care of someone who can't dress and bathe themselves right now. Plus I'm sure they will be able to manage his pain better than we could at home.
I do know is I know my Dad and I feel bad for who ever has to take care of him :) He can be kind of a grouch sometimes.
As of right now he is not on a ventilator but they are watching for swelling to see if he will need to be ventilated at some point.

Waiting

Right now I'm sitting at home and my Mom is on her way to the hospital to wait for the doctor to let her know how everything went. I really want to go and be there with her but I can't seem to find anyone right now to watch the kids. I don't want to ask someone that does not live close since I have no idea how long I will be up there, this is when living out in the middle of no where does not help :)
So as soon as I know anything I will try and update as soon as possible

My dad

So it started a little over a month ago, maybe two months at the longest I can't remember for sure. It started as just some back pain, and that back pain got worse and worse. Finally he went to the doctor and was told he has arthritis in his back. He then went to another doctor to get his shoulder checked out, he has had surgery before on his shoulder years ago. That doctor said he would do surgery on his shoulder in July after they figured out what was really going on with his back, and after they fixed his back if his shoulder was still bugging him.
About three weeks ago things just went from bad to worse. Over time my dad has been able to walk less and less. He had just started a new job as a school bus driver. A job he thought he would be able to do with a bad back and shoulder. Last week he came home and said he had taken a leave of absence because he did not feel safe driving the bus anymore.
He then went back to his doctors office and another doctor saw him because his normal doctor was out of the office at the time. This new doctor suggested an MRI of his neck. We all found this very odd since all the pain seemed to be in his back and he was having problems with his left leg and being able to use it at all, by this point he pretty much was just dragging his left leg behind him now.
Last Wednesday he went in for his MRI. The MRI tech called his doctor right away and told him he needed to see this now. We then got a call from his doctors office that he will be coming in Friday to talk with the doctor about the MRI. From there he was referred to a nuro doctor and was squeezed in as an emergency appointment.
Today was his apt with the nuro doctor and was admitted to the hospital right away. The doctor told him and my mom that his neck is fused in place and that it is cutting off his spinal cord. If they were to let this go and continue the way that it is now it would make it's way to the nerves that control his lungs and he would be put on a respirator.
So tomorrow first thing in the morning the doctor is going to take my dad into surgery, they will try but do not think that they will be able to repair any of the damage that has already been done. What they are mostly going in for is to stop it where it is at now. It will take between six months and one year to know how much my dad will regain as far as walking and being able to use his left side anymore.
There is also a chance that he will be on a respirator after surgery due to the area that they are operating on. If his neck and spinal cord swell they will have to put him on a respirator for sure.
He has not had the surgery and they are already talking that he will most likely be in a wheelchair, for a while at least. As of right now he can't bathe himself anymore, he can barley get around the house by himself, he has to stop and take breaks just going from his bedroom to the kitchen. All the while dragging his left leg behind him.
After surgery he will be in the hospital for about three to four days and then most likely will be moved to a rehab facility to live for a while.
As of right now we are just waiting for tomorrow for the doctor to come out from the surgery and let us know what is going on. From there we will start to know more day by day. I will try and update this blog with any progress that he is making.
Please keep him in your prayers and thoughts through all of this. This is very hard for him, he is not the type of person that will let others do things for him. He wants to do everything by himself. And for him going into this surgery knowing that he may never get any better than he is right now is very hard and devastating for him.

A Dream is coming true

So today I had to go to the doctor for a infection not fun. But I did find out that once this infection is cleared up in about two weeks my doctor will give me a referral to the plastic surgeon for a breast reduction.
Most who know me know this is something that I have wanted since high school. It will be so nice to be able to buy cute bras, not have to go to a special store to even hope I can find a bra that fits. I will be able to wear button up shirts again. I will no longer have back and neck pain. Heck maybe I can have a conversation with some guys and they will look at me and not my chest. Yes I know there are a lot of women out there who wish they were more blessed in the chest, but for me I'm way to blessed.
I was really hoping that after I was done nursing my daughter that I would get a little smaller than I was before, well if anything I think I'm a little bigger than I was before. I know that they will probably want me to lose at least 10% of my body weight which is fine with me since I'm already trying to lose weight. This will just help motivate me even more to lose the weight and then keep it off afterwords so that they don't grow again.
This could all take awhile to complete, since I will have to be approved by my insurance. Please pray that they will approve me for this. If I do not get approval from Kaiser then I have no clue when I will be able to have this done. I know that this surgery is not cheap. I also do not go into this lightly. But for me the benefits out way the risks by a lot for me.
My husband, well he is standing me hind me. Does he wish I would stay the same size I am now, sure but what man wouldn't. He does understand why I want this so much and because of that he is supporting me 100%. Though I did tell him just the other day that he needs to be prepared to take time off of work to help me afterwords. He looked at me and said why. Ugh sometimes I just want to smack him.
Um hello hunny your wife will be having major surgery and not be able to do very much for a while that's why. He has had surgery in the past and should remember how much I had to do for him afterwords. You would think that since what I'm having done is way more invasive that he ever had that he would get it, but oh well I guess not.
So please pray that Kaiser will approve me for this so that they will pay for the surgery for me. If not then please pray that I will come up with a way to pay for it myself someday in the near future.

Evil Scale

So this month I have decided it's time to lose the extra pounds that I'm carrying around. I'm tired of the way that I look and how my clothes fit on me. I'm not really following any program, but combining Weight Watchers and calorie counting. I'm only consuming 1,500 calories a day and exercising at least 20 minuets a day.
The reason I say the scale is evil is because every time I have ever tried to lose weight the scale always goes up on me. My clothes always fit the same but the scale goes up. Yes I know that muscle weighs more than fat and that I'm probably building muscle. But that is really a downer when you are trying to lose weight to see that. The last time I did this was before I got pregnant with my son. I was going to the gym 5 to 6 days a week and trying very hard to eat right and the scale just kept on going up up up. Very depressing. Then I got pregnant and did not really worry about losing weight, after I had my son 8 months later I was pregnant with my daughter.
Well my daughter just turned two yesterday. I nursed her for 16 months, so during that time I did not really worry about losing weight. I was only trying to eat enough to make enough milk for her. But now that is all done and over with it's time to shed these extra pounds.
I also have to be careful on how I work out. I have bad hips and bad knees. I'm going to the Doctor on Friday to get them looked at and see what I can do about all the pain. Once I can get that under control I can start running again and hopefully really start dropping the pounds off.
I used to love to run, I played sports a lot in school, softball mostly, and I miss running. I was always pretty much the fastest one on my teams, raced people and pretty much won all the time.
So I have, right now, one pair of jeans that I can get into but can't move when I put them on. So those are my goal jeans, my goal to get them on and be able to move in them.
So wish me luck on my new journey to fit back into an old pair of jeans.

Daisy

So next weekend I get to go and pick up my new little pug to bring home and spoil rotten, and I can't wait. I'm not really looking forward to dealing with my parents about her but oh well. I'm 26, yes we do live in their house but we pay bills here, almost all the bills, and help out around the house. So do I feel that it should be up to them if and when I get a new dog. No I don't. My mom and I had made an agreement about me getting a new dog and I have kept up my end of the agreement, by cooking more meals, cleaning more upstairs, and keeping the downstairs cleaned up better. But according to her no I have not. Oh well, Pat is standing behind me 100% that I have kept up my end of the deal on all of this. Pat also said that if they have that much of a problem with Daisy then we will just move out and get a place of our own.

It was one year last November that I had to put my baby down, my baby boy Rebel. He was only 5 when he left. It was a horrible horrible accident that happened and I don't blame anyone for his death. I miss him so much every day. I find myself thinking about him a lot sometimes. He was such a little brat to say the least about that little dog. He has so much personality it's not even funny. He would follow anyone who was brushing their teeth and growl at them. Why, I have no idea, but that's what he did.

One time he was mad at Pat for some reason or another, and when Pat went to take him outside to go to the bathroom Rebel came over and hiked his leg on Pat's leg. Another time we had brought home an English Bulldog that we had rescued from a very bad situation. We Rebel was not very happy about Meatball in the house, in his house. So he hiked his leg on Pat's pillow one night. Another time I was sitting in bed reading with the comforter bunched up next to me, and he jumped up on the bed, looked at me, then hiked his leg on the comforter that was right next to me. Yes it sucked to clean up after him all the time with his little temper tantrums, but that is what made Rebel Rebel. Yes he was a little turd but I loved that little turd with all my heart. He was always there for me no matter how many times I had to get after him for peeing in the house, or growling at me for no reason. He always loved me. And I always loved him.

It's odd how something so small and hairy can steal your heart away the second you lay eyes on them. He was like one of my children, well before I had kids he was my kid. I may have not given birth to him (thank goodness lol that would be one ugly baby) but just like my kids that I did give birth to, I loved him the moment I saw him. I love my kids the moment I knew I was pregnant with them. And even more love for them when I saw them for that first time.

Some people are not animal people, and I just don't get that. I guess it's the same as people who do not want to have kids. I can't even wrap my head around that. I have always wanted kids, I can't remember a time when I did not want to be a mom when I grew up. I know to each his or her own, but for me, I love kids and I love animals. I can't ever picture my life with out them. I know that someday my kids will grow up and move out and start lives of their own, but at least I will still have my animals to help with the empty nest. Then someday (a very very very long time from now) I will have grand-kids to play with and spoil all over again. (Again a very very very very long time from now :)

Money

Money truly is the root of all evil no matter what way you look at it. Yet in the bible it says that we are suppose to tithe 10% of our income that we get. Pat and I were tithing for a while but then we stopped. I would love to start again, only we don't belong to a church right now so I'm not sure were to send the money. I guess we could send it to my Father-in-laws church.

I feel that this is something that Pat and I need to start doing again. Taking 10% of each of his paychecks and giving it to the Lord. It would be the same if we were to win the lottery. We would give 10% before we paid the taxes or anything else.

I really don't like how the world seems all about money. Yes there are people in this world that could care less about money, and that's great. I used to be about having nice things and showing them off to show that we had money. Only we did not have money we had credit. Credit is what got us in trouble, but we have figured it out already and are making changes in our lives and spending habits. We are paying everything off and never again putting anything on credit unless it's a car/truck or a house. We will just save up and pay cash for anything that we want. By having to save the money for something it will help give us time to think about, "do we really need this". Or is this something we can live without. Also with having to save for something, who knows something else that is even better might come a long and then we would already have the money for it.

I hope that someone who reads this can learn from our mistakes. Credit, yes it's something that you do need in life unfortunately, but you should be very careful how you build your credit up. If you open a credit card make sure you can pay it off each month. If you can't don't use it, don't even get one. They will just lead to trouble and more trouble no matter what. I started out with just one credit card with a small limit, well I still have that card and they kept on upping my limit for me. Yes it did come in handy when we had a dog that needed emergency surgery, but guess what, four years we are still paying on it. Why are we still paying on it, becuase there was other money still on that card from other things, and we have since put more on it as well. Things that we really did not need to have. So now here we are four years later still paying on an old bill for a dog that sadly had to put down.

So you can see how debt can follow you for years. If you buy something just because you think you have to have it, but then a few months down the road there it sits, not being used. Or maybe you even sold it for half the price you paid for it. If you can't pay the card off in full then you will be paying for that item that you had to have over and over again.

I know what's best for my own kids

So Pat and I have been talking a lot about homeschooling our kids. We both agree that we feel that is what is best for our kids. We don't want them exposed to certain things at too young of an age. But we don't want to just shelter them either.

Well me and my big mouth said something to my Mom and of course like always she had to put in her two cents. She pretty much said that if I were to home-school our kids that they would be dumb and not know how to act in the real world. Jeez thanks Mom for the boost of support.

We want our kids to be raised knowing God and what God means in their lives. We want them to know what God should and will be number one no matter what happens in life. He is always there for you and me no matter what happens.

I'm sorry but I feel that our public school systems suck. I was in private school until the 6th grade, then I moved to public school. That's when all my problems started for me. Until then I had gotten into a little trouble but nothing like what I did in Jr. High and High School. Someone please tell me why I would want to expose my kids to that kind of stuff. Why should I send them on a bus or even drive them to a school where I have no control over what they are learning and why they are learning it. Yes they need to know how to read and write, do math and sciences. But what about God and the reason we are all here? What about what God really wants us to do with our lives? How he wants us to grow in His name?

There is no reason they can't learn all that at home and there basic skills for life. There is no reason why I can't teach them how to write their names, learn the alphabet, how to count, how to add and subtract. There is no one in world except God that knows them better than I do, and knows what is best for them.

NW Kids Club

So in Salem Oregon there is a kids play place called NW Kids Club. It's only $5.50 for each kid to get in. They have a huge sand box, bounce house, a few different sizes of slides, play kitchens, dress up area, an area for babies to play, and lots of other toys and goodies.

My kids loved it there. Of course they did not want to leave when it was time to go. My son kept asking if we could go back after we left for something to eat. We had to tell him, no not today but we will come back sometime. Yes for for us it's a little bit of a long drive but that's okay. It was nice to have a nice clean area for them to play and not have to worry about bigger kids pushing them over and jumping in mud puddles like we would have to worry about if we went to the parks in town.

At NW Kids Club it's only for kids ages 6 months to 7 years old. If you were to have a birthday party then there is no age limit since you pretty much would have the place to yourself and wont have to worry about knocking little ones over. If it were closer to our house then it would be a great place to have a birthday part for the kids. But it's a little to far to ask our friends and family to drive for a birthday party, oh well.

Here is the link to their site if you would like some more information about the place. NW Kids Club.

And even better I know that my kids will sleep perfect tonight. Well a mother can always dream right?!

My head hurts

So tonight we had bible study again and I have never really, I mean really, studied the bible before. Yes I have read it, and I know to trust God and believe in his word. But to really look at the bible and sort of pick it apart and understand the meaning. Kind of reading between the lines so to say. It makes my head hurt. I'm trying to follow along and understand. But I think what would help me is to try and take a nap on bible study days. I have to get up early to take my son to school and since he likes to sleep in my bed, along with the dog and my husband, I end up in the recliner at night a lot. I don't mind but on these days I think I need a little extra boost, like from a nap. Some might drink coffee but that make me feel like I'm going to throw up all day so I try not to touch the stuff.
But I am learning a lot. I never know that you could break down a simple Psalm that I have read more times than I can count. I remember have to memorize it in first grade. But I guess I never really understood it all the way.
I'm so glad that my Mother-in-law had the idea from God to start this bible study. I know my whole family needs this. We all need to have a better relationship with God. You can read the bible from cover to cover and not really understand any of it if you don't take the time to read between the lines. I feel so blessed to have a Father-in-law that is a minister that I can trust and talk to when I need him to help me understand something. I know that looking back at my high school years, and even Jr. high years that I would not be were I am today. In a great and loving relationship with God. I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ask for. Together we have truly found God. Together we have been able to grow as a couple in Gods love. We are raising our children to know who God is, and how much he means to us. How to praise Him, how to love Him. How to grow in his ways. How to trust that God will provide us with everything we need and then some. That God is always with us no matter what we do or where we are. I know that I still have a lot to learn about what God wants me to do with my life, but I know that I'm on the right track.
I feel his love all around me all the time. I know that He is with me no matter what. Even in the darkest of times, He is there for me. He will walking me through my darkest times, and celebrate my greatest joys in life. I know that He was there with me when my son and daughter were both born.
I know that he answered my prayers when I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. My daughter is the first girl in 63 years on my husbands side of the family. I can remember praying every night after I found out I was pregnant with our second child for a healthy baby girl. I wanted a girl so bad. He listened, He heard my prayers and blessed us with Peyton on March 2, 2008.
Two healthy kids what more could I ask for from Him. He has taken care of my family from day one.
He has taken care of me from the start. When my birth-mother found out she was pregnant with me at 17, He was there. He knew that she would not be able to care for me at such a young age. He had already had everything planned out for my Mom to adopt me.
Yet there are prayers we don't get answers to, and we may never understand why. We just have to have faith and trust in Him. Everything in our lives happens for a reason, a reason that God has chosen. Sometimes we know right away what His reason is, sometimes we have to wait a while, and sometimes we never understand why. God does not have to give a reason for anything He does. We just have to have faith and trust in Him that he knows what is best for us no matter what.
About two weeks ago there was a wonderful man from my town that was killed trying to help others in need. This man had a wife and a three year old son. For me it was so hard to understand Gods reason for taking away a father and husband. So I was talking with my Father-in-law about it. That is when he told me sometimes we don't know what Gods reason is for a long time, and sometimes we never know until we ourselves get to heaven and are able to ask God for ourselves. But it's the trust and faith again, we have to have trust and faith.
Trust and faith in our Lord is what gets us through everyday, every heart ache, every pain, every fear that we will ever have. But remember He is there, always there, good times or bad. He will always be there, and his love for us is there for us as well. He sent his son to die on a cross just so we could be saved and live with the Father in heaven for all of eternity.

Growing up

It's a new year for me on my blog. It's a new year for a lot of things. My husband and I have decided that we are done living the American dream. We are done with credit cards and anything that has to do with them. The only thing we will ever finance again is a house or a car/truck. Other than that will we be paying cash for everything we buy from now on. We have a four year plan, in four years we are going to be debt free and that includes our truck as well. So we will have no debts what so ever. It feels so good know that. I know that we might have a few speed bumps on the way, we have already hit a few, but we will keep going. We have faith in God to help us through this, to help guild us in the right directions in our life's.
Also in this new year my daughter is turning two next month. I'm happy and sad all at the same time. She is growing up way to fast. Her brother just turned three last October. I keep getting the feeling like we should have one more baby. But we are not sure, we are praying about it and leaving it up to God if we should have more or not. Peyton is getting so big, she is starting to sit on the potty, has not done anything yet, she loves to be read to all the time. So we are working on getting her more and more books. We have also started taking Ross to the library since he also is into books and being read to as well.
We have also started a bible study in our house. My Mother-in-law keep on getting the feeling that God was telling her we needed to do this. So after talking with me and my Mom we all agreed. Last Thursday was our first study, and tonight will be our second. I'm really looking forward to it. I enjoyed last Thursday's study a lot on the 23rd Psalm. While reading it i figured out I have a stalker, his name is Jesus. He is always with me no matter what, always watching me, taking care of me, guiding me, and keeping me safe. So not your typical stalker, but still He is my stalker.
This year will be mine and Pat's five year anniversary. It seems like so much longer sometimes and such a short time other times. I do know that I'm so happy with him, I know that he loves me no matter what. I never have to worry about him and me, and if we are "okay". I know that our relationship is even stronger now than it was when we first got married, because we have Jesus in our lives. Before we got married yes we both believed in God, but we did not really act the way we should. We were not reading our bibles and praying to God. We were not living ours lives the way God would want. We still have a long ways to go, but with Gods help we are on the right path now.
With God all things are possible, without God nothing is possible.