So tomorrow is my daughters first birthday party. I'm happy that she is growing up and becoming a big girl, and yet I'm sad. She will not be a baby anymore, she will still be my little girl no matter what but not a baby. I will miss that. Even though she is still nursing so we will still have that for a little while, ( I want to let her choose when she wants to stop, well for the most part I'm not nursing a 4 year old lol).
So I invited my birth mother to Peyton's party and I'm a little nervous about it. I talked to her for the first time in almost two years about a week ago. I stopped talking to her because she was just to pushy and I could not take it. I needed time so I just cut everything off. In a way I feel bad and in a way I don't. Part of the reason I'm giving it another shot is because of my sister and the fact that she has a son now. I just feel like I should help her some how. Even though she is living with Lynn (my birth mother) and Lynn is helping her. I just felt that she tried to be my "mom" and my mom she is not. I'm very grateful that she gave me up for adoption, and the sacrifice she gave for me. I have the up most respect for her in that sense. And I was talking to my mom about why I stopped talking to Lynn and she said that to Lynn I was her child, in her mind I have always been her child and I can understand that and see that now. I guess I'm just protective of my mom since I'm an only child. Who knows maybe if I was not an only child I would still feel the same. So we will see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully everything will go smooth. I will let y'all know how it goes.
