My head hurts

So tonight we had bible study again and I have never really, I mean really, studied the bible before. Yes I have read it, and I know to trust God and believe in his word. But to really look at the bible and sort of pick it apart and understand the meaning. Kind of reading between the lines so to say. It makes my head hurt. I'm trying to follow along and understand. But I think what would help me is to try and take a nap on bible study days. I have to get up early to take my son to school and since he likes to sleep in my bed, along with the dog and my husband, I end up in the recliner at night a lot. I don't mind but on these days I think I need a little extra boost, like from a nap. Some might drink coffee but that make me feel like I'm going to throw up all day so I try not to touch the stuff.
But I am learning a lot. I never know that you could break down a simple Psalm that I have read more times than I can count. I remember have to memorize it in first grade. But I guess I never really understood it all the way.
I'm so glad that my Mother-in-law had the idea from God to start this bible study. I know my whole family needs this. We all need to have a better relationship with God. You can read the bible from cover to cover and not really understand any of it if you don't take the time to read between the lines. I feel so blessed to have a Father-in-law that is a minister that I can trust and talk to when I need him to help me understand something. I know that looking back at my high school years, and even Jr. high years that I would not be were I am today. In a great and loving relationship with God. I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ask for. Together we have truly found God. Together we have been able to grow as a couple in Gods love. We are raising our children to know who God is, and how much he means to us. How to praise Him, how to love Him. How to grow in his ways. How to trust that God will provide us with everything we need and then some. That God is always with us no matter what we do or where we are. I know that I still have a lot to learn about what God wants me to do with my life, but I know that I'm on the right track.
I feel his love all around me all the time. I know that He is with me no matter what. Even in the darkest of times, He is there for me. He will walking me through my darkest times, and celebrate my greatest joys in life. I know that He was there with me when my son and daughter were both born.
I know that he answered my prayers when I was blessed with a healthy baby girl. My daughter is the first girl in 63 years on my husbands side of the family. I can remember praying every night after I found out I was pregnant with our second child for a healthy baby girl. I wanted a girl so bad. He listened, He heard my prayers and blessed us with Peyton on March 2, 2008.
Two healthy kids what more could I ask for from Him. He has taken care of my family from day one.
He has taken care of me from the start. When my birth-mother found out she was pregnant with me at 17, He was there. He knew that she would not be able to care for me at such a young age. He had already had everything planned out for my Mom to adopt me.
Yet there are prayers we don't get answers to, and we may never understand why. We just have to have faith and trust in Him. Everything in our lives happens for a reason, a reason that God has chosen. Sometimes we know right away what His reason is, sometimes we have to wait a while, and sometimes we never understand why. God does not have to give a reason for anything He does. We just have to have faith and trust in Him that he knows what is best for us no matter what.
About two weeks ago there was a wonderful man from my town that was killed trying to help others in need. This man had a wife and a three year old son. For me it was so hard to understand Gods reason for taking away a father and husband. So I was talking with my Father-in-law about it. That is when he told me sometimes we don't know what Gods reason is for a long time, and sometimes we never know until we ourselves get to heaven and are able to ask God for ourselves. But it's the trust and faith again, we have to have trust and faith.
Trust and faith in our Lord is what gets us through everyday, every heart ache, every pain, every fear that we will ever have. But remember He is there, always there, good times or bad. He will always be there, and his love for us is there for us as well. He sent his son to die on a cross just so we could be saved and live with the Father in heaven for all of eternity.