So my Dad has been home for a while now and we thought things were going to change as far as his attitude all the time. But I guess I should of know better. He is still a grumpy pissy old man. Nothing is done right for him a lot of the time, he keeps trying to do things he knows he is not suppose to do yet after his surgery. All we ever hear is how much his lower back is in pain, complaining about this and that.
I love my Dad don't get me wrong but sometimes enough is just enough already. When he was living at rehab things were so nice around here. Less stressful, not as many yelling fights in the house, just a more relaxed atmosphere. But he is my Dad and this is his house. So we learn to deal with him and his "mood" swings. My Mom and I both feel that he is depressed and would benefit from some anti-depressants. But you can't tell him that, he does not need that crap as he puts it. To each his own I guess, if he wants to be a miserable old grump then that's his choice I guess. It just sucks that we all have to put up with it.
Before his surgery he never really yelled at the kids at all, since he has been home he yells at them quiet a bit. That bugs me, yet at the same time if I did try and talk to him about it, it would just end in a big fight and how he can do nothing right and he is always wrong blah blah blah. This house is full of hot heads, me being one of them I understand that about myself, and it's not good for the kids to be around that all the time. I hate how much people yell at each other around here, it's like no one knows how to "talk" to each other we only know how to yell. So for now most of the time when my Mom is going off on me for one reason or another I just stare off into space trying to listen and not say anything back, then I walk away before I blow up and it turns into a big yelling match. There was one time I was already in a bad mood and she wanted to "talk" to me about something, I don't remember what now, but I told her not right now I can't do this now we will talk later and walked out of the room. She then followed me and kept yelling at me, I just stood there yelling back saying not now leave me alone, the whole time Peyton was standing right in between us. It took Pat giving her a dirty look and shaking his head to leave me alone.
My Mom has never dealt with real depression. Has she dealt with situational depression, sure she has. But has never been on medication for it or anything like that. A few months ago I was trying to stop having to take my medication and that turned out bad for me. I ended up going on another brand of medication and it took me a good three to four weeks to fully level out on it. During that time things where really bad, I pretty much did nothing but sit downstairs in the dark on the computer, not really doing much on the computer just sitting there. Crying lots and lots of crying as well. It got to the point where I felt I could not watch the kids and give them the attention that they needed so I called my Mother-In-Law and asked if they could take the kids for a few days until I got past this hard point.
Fast forward a month and my Mom throws that in my face. That I can just ship my kids off when I'm having a bad day. I wanted to punch her in the face, yell at her, tell her she has no clue what she is talking about. I did get into it a little with her, but when she said that, that was it I was done. If you have not been there or down that road yourself personally when you have no right to talk about what other people are going through.
I have battled depression since I was 14, I have been on and off medication for it since then as well. Some days are better than others, it's not always easy at all but I'm dealing with it.
I'm so blessed to have a wonderful husband that has helped me through everything. I know that he will always stand behind me no matter what I have to deal with. He knows that I too will stand behind him no matter what as well.
But to end this one on a happy note, I'm finally back down to the weight were I was when I got pregnant with Ross :) Another 10 to 15 lbs and I will be happy with my weight. But if i don't lose anymore weight I could be happy with where I'm at right now as well. But a little more can't hurt either :)
