Since we have moved I have been trying very hard to not yell at the kids any more. Well I'm not perfect and I blew up at the kids this morning when they woke up when Pat was getting ready for work. I feel awful about it, yes it was 2:30am and I myself was not really awake, but that does not make it right.
I have to pray even more and harder for help from God for this little problem. I don't want to be like my mom, who yells all the time, I want to change my ways. I don't want this pattern to continue on with me and my kids. I'm sure if you were to ask my mom she would say that she does not yell all the time, and she is right, she does not yell 24/7 but it's very hard to have a conversation with her and not have her yell at some point during that conversation.
I see the way she is with her mom, my grandma is getting up there in her years and is a stubborn old woman, and I don't want to be that way with my kids. I have an okay relationship with my mom, could it be better, yes. Will it ever be better, time will only tell. I do know that in the past every time we/I have moved out we have gotten along a lot better.
We are too much alike in so many ways, so that is why we butt heads so hard most of the time. There are times I wish my mom was more like Pats mom. She is so passive, but wont let people walk all over her. I have never heard her yell at anyone, ever. Pat said he can pretty much only recall one time hearing his mom yell. I wish I could say the same.
I know I'm not perfect and I don't try to be, yet I know I can work even harder at not yelling. I can't stand to be yelled at, I just shut down and tone out who ever is yelling at me. I have lived with it my whole life, it's almost a defensive reaction for me I guess. I don't want my kids to end up like that as well.
So today this I pray
Dear Lord,
Help give me strength to not yell at my little ones. Help me in my ways with my family. Help me to trust in you Lord. Help guild me in the way that You want me to bring my children up in Your ways Lord. Put Your hand on my heart Lord, help me hear Your words.
Amen
